Dear Olivia, Grayson and Teigan,
You don’t know this but I created an email account for you and I’ve been sending y’all emails since 2016. I love handwritten letters but I thought email would be safer – they can’t get lost in a move or burned in a fire. But I sure love a handwritten letter. So, maybe I’ll sit down one day and write them all. It sounds weird but I hope someday you will find pleasure in reading all my fondest memories and thoughts of motherhood.
The first email I opened (no particular order) was this one titled…
Motherhood: I Am Not A Superhero
As kids you guys think of mommy as a superhero and as you get older you’ll come to realize that I’m more human than you think. But, if I could have ONE superpower it would be to have the ability to kiss all your hurts and illnesses away. You guys ARE my heart birthed into the world [3] different times and it pains me when you hurt or when you are sick.
On Jan 26, 2016 Grayson had a bad case of croup and was barely breathing. I wondered if maybe the ER was where we should have gone initially but urgent care was just up the street and the waiting room nearly empty. The doctor assured us that this decision was the best decision we could have made. It allowed [Grayson] to get a breathing treatment sooner and arriving at the ER in an ambulance would pushed you ahead of everyone else in the ER.
Sitting in the ambulance with you, I felt my world slowly stopping. I’m sure the ambulance was driving fast but inside it felt like time was passing really slow. I felt helpless and lost all at once. All I could do was pray and hope God was listening.
It was a rough couple days after that but I’m glad you are doing better. Looking back, I took away 2 major realizations from that scary situation.
- Although, I’m not a superhero – I don’t have ANY superpowers, I’ll always be there for [all] of you
- Prayer from the most sincerest place really works
Love you guys to the moon and back.
With love from Mummy
~XO